


Desperately Seeking Simon.

by orphan_account



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Crack, Drabble Collection, Multi, OOC, Promiscuity, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-27 23:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2711282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Join the Indolent,Trampy Vampire Sex God Simon Lewis as he gives advice on his indecent adventures in New York and beyond.Meet up with his several lovers and numerous friends as they help him hide his vampirism from his landlord while having fun along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperately Seeking Simon.

**Author's Note:**

> Remake of "Memoirs of a male camp teen in the big city" One again,AU Simon is evil and a bit of a skank.More Nathan young from misfits than Actual Simon.
> 
> He also gives great advice.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm no good with relationships.My first one went down in flames.

As did the second,third,fourth,fifth.You get the point I'm a bit if a hopeless romantic.But that doesn't matter much to me anymore.As Chris Crocker once said,"It's not about romance,it's about what's in your pants.". And I am very good at getting into people's pants,I'll have you know I've bedded most of the Shadowhunters I know.

Jace,Alec,Isabelle,The list goes on and on.

And that's not all.Werewolves,Humans,Fairies,other Vampires.Name 'em I've done 'em.Call me what you will,they're just semantics anyway.And I for one am not gay or straight,and refuse to classify myself because I hate labels.Now,like I was saying I sleep around because I hate to be tied down to one person for too long that doesn't mean I can't have healthy relationships.Regardless of who I fall unto bed with I always go back to the same person every time.

And that person is Jonathan-erm,Sebastian.And on occasion his dad.To be fair most of my trysts are accidental.

Now that we've jumped the relationship shark,we're on to the violence,joy.

Now,just the other day,Alec slapped my in the face for calling him ugly.Clary also hit me after I made out with Jace.Come on now,can ya blame me? If you had the chance you know you would,too.People seem to have a strange obsession for hitting me in my beautiful face,and I hate it.

In addition to hitting,choking is also a no-no.Eric and Luke both like to choke me during sex.And Raphael is into biting and scratching.

Let's just say the eight parallel scratches made an early return.

Now,exes are always a pain.

I happen to have 70 of them.So just do what I did and organize an orgy.

Works every time.


End file.
